How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship

May 7, 2024

Therapist doing online therapy Telehealth

Sexual fulfillment is critical if we want to have a happy, healthy relationship. When things don’t go well in the bedroom, it affects every aspect of our connection with that other person. Most couples are open to exploring new strategies to improve their sex life and intimacy, including sex toys. You, like many others, may find sex toys one of the most exciting ways to spice up your sex life. But if you’ve never used sex toys before in your relationship, it may feel uncomfortable discussing this with your partner. Or, you might not know how to broach the topic so they don’t get the wrong idea. I’ve compiled tips for how to introduce sex toys to your relationship to help you out.

Why Use Sex Toys in the First Place?

Sex toys can improve your physical connection and pleasure in bed. But the positives don’t end there. Many couples say that introducing sex toys into their relationships has improved their communication and emotional aspects of intimacy. Partners who explore their fantasies may discover new pleasures that bring life and excitement into a long-term relationship. As a result, they may experience increased sexual satisfaction as they learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes, fantasies, and desires.

Using sex toys together can also make the trust stronger between partners because it requires them to be vulnerable and talk to each other. Sharing these new intimate experiences can help partners understand and value each other more, leading to deeper connections.

Researchers have found that couples who engage in various bonding activities together and add new elements of closeness, like sex toys, to their relationship tend to be happier and more passionate for a longer time.

However, sex toys are designed to add excitement and help partners discover new pleasures together, not to replace one or the other partner’s role in intimacy. Introducing sex toys should be seen as a way to explore and enhance pleasure rather than compensate for things that one or both partners miss in their relationship. Sex toys might be a good way to keep your sexual relationship alive, add variety and excitement, and break up routines. So, here are some ideas for how to have sex toy conversations with your partner.

Tips for Introducing Sex Toys to your Partner

Start with an Open Conversation

Choose the right moment to discuss bringing sex toys into the bedroom. Sex therapy might provide a safe, confidential setting for open conversation about sex toys. But if you choose to do it at home, find a peaceful, private spot where you both feel undistracted and comfortable. It is a good idea to pick a calm moment, such as after a shared intimacy or while relaxing in the bath together. Share how you feel, but also actively listen to what your partner has to say. Keep the tone positive so it doesn’t feel like a complaint, apology, or accusation. For example, you may say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about something fun to add to our intimacy. Would you like to test some sex toys? I want to ensure we both feel comfortable and excited about anything new, so I’d love to hear your thoughts!” So, keep mutual consent in mind and ensure that both of you are comfortable and willing to explore this new aspect of your intimacy.

Respect Each Other’s Sexual Comfort Level and Be Willing to Compromise

While it is essential to express your sexual wishes and expectations freely, you should also be willing to compromise based on your partner’s desires and boundaries. Respecting one other’s preferences and limits is the best way to ensure that you may both use sex toys comfortably and without misunderstandings.

Choose the First Sex Toy Together

Picking out your first sex toy should be fun and comfortable for both of you. Shopping for toys together, either in a store or online, allows you to talk about your tastes and see all of your choices. Start with easy options for beginners and that you both are comfortable with. This joint choice not only ensures that everyone agrees, but it also gets people excited about what is to come.

Introduce Toys Gradually

Don’t force the idea and explore new sex toys without pressure. Slowly add them to the bedroom activities. Try different things to see what feels comfortable and brings pleasure to both of you. As you become more comfortable with sex toys, consider exploring a broader range of alternatives and experiences to keep the spark alive.

Sex Toys for Leveling Up your Relationship

Sex toys can level up not only your sexual life but also your overall relationship satisfaction. However, it’s essential to be honest about what you want and need, and to be ready to compromise and respect each other’s boundaries. This not only makes sure that both partners are happy, but it also builds trust and understanding between them.

You don’t have to navigate this sensitive topic alone. Sex therapy is a safe place where you can talk about all parts of your sexuality without fear of being judged. It’s a place that encourages open communication and can help you explore each other’s wants in a more rewarding and respectful way

Let’s connect soon so we can set up a free consultation.

Filippo M. Forni, CST, LMFT is a certified AASECT individual and couples sex therapist. Mr. Forni sees patients throughout California and Florida. His goal is to provide high-quality and effective goal-oriented therapy services to his clientele. He has extensive training in sexuality and multiculturalism and serves as an adjunct professor at Pepperdine University Graduate School of Education and Psychology.